Comments for St. Junia's Blog http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog A sacramental community and retreat center Wed, 13 Jul 2011 18:33:32 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Comment on The hurrider I go, the behinder I get! by jetty http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=484&cpage=1#comment-2977 jetty Wed, 13 Jul 2011 18:33:32 +0000 http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=484#comment-2977 Dear friends, As you read you see that there are good segments posted,deep tought for reaching our hands for the needy, and as you are well know there are so many people who lifes in psychological and medical problems. We can do a great work to give them are inspiration on the do's and the know how's. So i will encourage you to goin us and brainstorm, for those who need us the most. Love in Christ Jetty from Belgium Dear friends,
As you read you see that there are good segments posted,deep tought for reaching our hands for the needy, and as you are well know there are so many people who lifes in psychological and medical problems. We can do a great work to give them are inspiration on the do’s and the know how’s. So i will encourage you to goin us and brainstorm, for those who need us the most.
Love in Christ Jetty from Belgium

]]> Comment on Emergent or Urgent Situations for the Pastoral Counselor: Mental Health Emergencies and ABC’s of What to Do First: Part 3: Unintended Pregnancy by M-J+ http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=422&cpage=1#comment-2570 M-J+ Thu, 09 Jun 2011 20:12:28 +0000 http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=422#comment-2570 Dear Jetty, Your response addresses the underlying level of spiritual healing that will make a difference, where mature Christians make themselves available to share and to be with those who have felt themselves to be unwanted. How many have also felt unwanted at church?! You have linked how the pastoral counseling and the forming of bonds in the community work together. Love to you, M-J+ Dear Jetty,
Your response addresses the underlying level of spiritual healing that will make a difference, where mature Christians make themselves available to share and to be with those who have felt themselves to be unwanted. How many have also felt unwanted at church?! You have linked how the pastoral counseling and the forming of bonds in the community work together. Love to you, M-J+

]]> Comment on Emergent or Urgent Situations for the Pastoral Counselor: Mental Health Emergencies and ABC’s of What to Do First: Part 4: Child abuse and neglect by M-J+ http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=426&cpage=1#comment-2569 M-J+ Thu, 09 Jun 2011 20:07:33 +0000 http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=426#comment-2569 Dear Jetty, Thanks for your comments. We in the church can make a real difference on so many levels, especially those who have lived through their own parenting struggles. Love to you, M-J+ Dear Jetty, Thanks for your comments. We in the church can make a real difference on so many levels, especially those who have lived through their own parenting struggles. Love to you, M-J+

]]> Comment on Emergent or Urgent Situations for the Pastoral Counselor: Mental Health Emergencies and ABC’s of What to Do First. Part 5: Domestic Violence by M-J+ http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=449&cpage=1#comment-2568 M-J+ Thu, 09 Jun 2011 20:04:39 +0000 http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=449#comment-2568 Dear Jetty, Yes, part of being Christ to the wounded who come into our communities is role modeling our own humanity, being willing to talk about our own weaknesses and struggles. Part of Christian formation requires that we not pretend that we are perfect, because people don't learn from perfect people (or people who pretend to be perfect); they learn from wounded people who are being healed by Christ and in his community. Love to you, M-J+ Dear Jetty, Yes, part of being Christ to the wounded who come into our communities is role modeling our own humanity, being willing to talk about our own weaknesses and struggles. Part of Christian formation requires that we not pretend that we are perfect, because people don’t learn from perfect people (or people who pretend to be perfect); they learn from wounded people who are being healed by Christ and in his community. Love to you, M-J+

]]> Comment on Emergent or Urgent Situations for the Pastoral Counselor: Mental Health Emergencies and ABC’s of What to Do First: Part 6: Rape and Sexual Assault by M-J+ http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=443&cpage=1#comment-2567 M-J+ Thu, 09 Jun 2011 20:00:45 +0000 http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=443#comment-2567 Thanks, Jetty! You have really gone to the heart of the problem, and how we as Christians are called to teach people to honor themselves and one another. Love to you, M-J+ Thanks, Jetty! You have really gone to the heart of the problem, and how we as Christians are called to teach people to honor themselves and one another. Love to you, M-J+

]]> Comment on Emergent or Urgent Situations for the Pastoral Counselor: Mental Health Emergencies and ABC’s of What to Do First: Part 2: Disclosing “bad news” by M-J+ http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=404&cpage=1#comment-2566 M-J+ Thu, 09 Jun 2011 19:01:35 +0000 http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=404#comment-2566 We will be present when the most horrible news is delivered, such as a loved one lost on the battlefield, someone committing suicide, someone being divorced, someone who fell ill or was injured, or who is facing life-threatening illness. Jesus is the prime source of solidarity for us all – pastoral workers and people looking for help. We are entrusted to give evidence that God is ever present and available. We provide tangible example of God’s continuing relationship with us. We honor our God-in-the-injured person who is being built up and sustained. This is possible by the coming of Jesus in us and in the situation of the counselee at the worst possible times. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff— they comfort me (Psalm 23:4). Jetty van den Berghe of the Good Shepherd Community in Belgium Copyright (c) 2011 Ecumenical Catholic Communion We will be present when the most horrible news is delivered, such as a loved one lost on the battlefield, someone committing suicide, someone being divorced, someone who fell ill or was injured, or who is facing life-threatening illness. Jesus is the prime source of solidarity for us all – pastoral workers and people looking for help. We are entrusted to give evidence that God is ever present and available. We provide tangible example of God’s continuing relationship with us. We honor our God-in-the-injured person who is being built up and sustained. This is possible by the coming of Jesus in us and in the situation of the counselee at the worst possible times. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff— they comfort me (Psalm 23:4).

Jetty van den Berghe of the Good Shepherd Community in Belgium
Copyright (c) 2011 Ecumenical Catholic Communion

]]> Comment on Emergent or Urgent Situations for the Pastoral Counselor: Mental Health Emergencies and ABC’s of What to Do First: Part 3: Unintended Pregnancy by M-J+ http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=422&cpage=1#comment-2565 M-J+ Thu, 09 Jun 2011 18:58:57 +0000 http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=422#comment-2565 Every person requires a connection: We were made for relationship. God seeks relationship with us. Connectedness is a biblical given. Unfortunately in our world, connections are often broken or never formed. Parents are the first bonding figures and play an essential role in forming basic security and safety for the young child. Our parents are the ones on whom we are dependent in our first months and years. When children’s early bonding experiences are disrupted by inadequate parenting (due to their inexperience, lack of a support system, stress of single parenting, low IQ or education, substance abuse, mental illness, poverty, inattention due to work), their future functioning will be impacted. We can demonstrate what true commitment means because those who have been maimed by neglect or abuse have often lost expectation or hope. This is a very sad state of affairs. What we as Christian counselors have to offer these people is to enter into the healing process with them. The presence of Jesus Christ will heal us; he was in all respects like us, having been tempted as we have been. The presence of someone who stands above us and yet who has come to our level, the most horrible suffering is not shunned, and he has prepared a path for us for healing (Hebrews 2:14-18). The core of trauma is in the disconnections that result. The essence of resolving it is in solidarity in Jesus’ community! How will anyone look deeply and find connection with God or get an idea of what it is if s/he does not experience what a healthy relationship is? • While there is a place for professional counseling, there must also be opportunities for close sharing. Too “professional” or “remote” attitudes will not benefit. There has to be insight into safe attachments which we in Jesus’ communities can provide. • We in the church can teach that every child is wanted, that there is no such thing as an unwanted child. We can teach this in the way that we live, and the way that we share ourselves in community. • We can teach commitment and relationship in the way that we worship God. The Holy Trinity shows the relatedness of God and we can give evidence to this fundamental principle in our pastoral relationships. Jetty van den Berghe of the Good Shepherd Community in Belgium Copyright (c) 2011 Ecumenical Catholic Church Every person requires a connection: We were made for relationship. God seeks relationship with us. Connectedness is a biblical given. Unfortunately in our world, connections are often broken or never formed. Parents are the first bonding figures and play an essential role in forming basic security and safety for the young child. Our parents are the ones on whom we are dependent in our first months and years. When children’s early bonding experiences are disrupted by inadequate parenting (due to their inexperience, lack of a support system, stress of single parenting, low IQ or education, substance abuse, mental illness, poverty, inattention due to work), their future functioning will be impacted.

We can demonstrate what true commitment means because those who have been maimed by neglect or abuse have often lost expectation or hope. This is a very sad state of affairs. What we as Christian counselors have to offer these people is to enter into the healing process with them. The presence of Jesus Christ will heal us; he was in all respects like us, having been tempted as we have been. The presence of someone who stands above us and yet who has come to our level, the most horrible suffering is not shunned, and he has prepared a path for us for healing (Hebrews 2:14-18). The core of trauma is in the disconnections that result. The essence of resolving it is in solidarity in Jesus’ community! How will anyone look deeply and find connection with God or get an idea of what it is if s/he does not experience what a healthy relationship is?

• While there is a place for professional counseling, there must also be opportunities for close sharing. Too “professional” or “remote” attitudes will not benefit. There has to be insight into safe attachments which we in Jesus’ communities can provide.

• We in the church can teach that every child is wanted, that there is no such thing as an unwanted child. We can teach this in the way that we live, and the way that we share ourselves in community.

• We can teach commitment and relationship in the way that we worship God. The Holy Trinity shows the relatedness of God and we can give evidence to this fundamental principle in our pastoral relationships.

Jetty van den Berghe of the Good Shepherd Community in Belgium
Copyright (c) 2011 Ecumenical Catholic Church

]]> Comment on Emergent or Urgent Situations for the Pastoral Counselor: Mental Health Emergencies and ABC’s of What to Do First: Part 4: Child abuse and neglect by M-J+ http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=426&cpage=1#comment-2564 M-J+ Thu, 09 Jun 2011 18:52:16 +0000 http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=426#comment-2564 As we have seen in our discussion of the long-term effects of unwanted pregnancy, parenting by those who are ill prepared places the child in an environment where they are subject to the parents’ own unresolved personal or relational problems, their frustrations, inability to separate out the child’s needs from their own. Their connections are malformed. Their attachment patterns are ambivalent and chaotic, so their relationships with other adults as well as their own children are impaired. I have learned over the years that the deepest trauma is not necessarily the bad things that happened, but the good things that have not happened. They suffer from the errors of what their parents have not done, or what’s left, not simply the mistakes that they made. Thus, they are more prone to disconnection such as social isolation, so that their children are more vulnerable to being victimized – too young or lacking opportunities to complain about abuse. These children may have more relational ‘hunger’ that drives them into seeking connection through street gangs, drug-using friends, or sexual promiscuity. There are important ways that we as pastoral care providers can intervene and help prevent problems by providing an avenue for bonding and attachment: • The young parent or poorly prepared parent can be given support by older parents in the church, where they will have good role models and learn the skills that they need, so that life-threatening problems are limited. The older Christian parent can also demonstrate that union with God and others in the Christian community will improve the young parent’s own sense of security, confidence, and competence. • The children who are products of these unfortunate situations can be taken into the Christian community, eliminating their isolation, and thus reducing their future risk of abuse or neglect. The child can be assured that there are people and that there is a God who cares for us, and they will learn the skills their own parents could not teach them. Jetty van den Berghe of the Good Shepherd Community in Belgium Copyright (c) 2011 Ecumenical Catholic Communion As we have seen in our discussion of the long-term effects of unwanted pregnancy, parenting by those who are ill prepared places the child in an environment where they are subject to the parents’ own unresolved personal or relational problems, their frustrations, inability to separate out the child’s needs from their own. Their connections are malformed. Their attachment patterns are ambivalent and chaotic, so their relationships with other adults as well as their own children are impaired. I have learned over the years that the deepest trauma is not necessarily the bad things that happened, but the good things that have not happened. They suffer from the errors of what their parents have not done, or what’s left, not simply the mistakes that they made. Thus, they are more prone to disconnection such as social isolation, so that their children are more vulnerable to being victimized – too young or lacking opportunities to complain about abuse. These children may have more relational ‘hunger’ that drives them into seeking connection through street gangs, drug-using friends, or sexual promiscuity. There are important ways that we as pastoral care providers can intervene and help prevent problems by providing an avenue for bonding and attachment:
• The young parent or poorly prepared parent can be given support by older parents in the church, where they will have good role models and learn the skills that they need, so that life-threatening problems are limited. The older Christian parent can also demonstrate that union with God and others in the Christian community will improve the young parent’s own sense of security, confidence, and competence.

• The children who are products of these unfortunate situations can be taken into the Christian community, eliminating their isolation, and thus reducing their future risk of abuse or neglect. The child can be assured that there are people and that there is a God who cares for us, and they will learn the skills their own parents could not teach them.

Jetty van den Berghe of the Good Shepherd Community in Belgium
Copyright (c) 2011 Ecumenical Catholic Communion

]]> Comment on Emergent or Urgent Situations for the Pastoral Counselor: Mental Health Emergencies and ABC’s of What to Do First. Part 5: Domestic Violence by M-J+ http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=449&cpage=1#comment-2563 M-J+ Thu, 09 Jun 2011 18:48:50 +0000 http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=449#comment-2563 The cycle of abuse in domestic violence often includes the victim’s additional sensitivitiy (an extra “antenna”) is attuned to the emotional states of the perpetrator. S/he is attuned to when the risk of being beaten is higher. Often the perpetrator exhibits intolerance for the perceived mistakes of themselves or others. Demands are made that are unrealistic. The perpetrator may view other people and situations in black and white ways, at times viewing a situation as entirely good, or simplistically rejecting the partner and casting him or her in an “all bad” position. The goal is to maintain control. The perpetrator has fantasies of omnipotence and since that fantasy can never be realized and never succeed, there is continued repetition of trying to make others do exactly what you want. Alcohol, drugs, and sexuality become in some sense the narcotics that allow both parties to continue to deny their plight. Stress builds up, until something unfortunate and dangerous happens. The partner also does not own her choices, and she often will not protect her children, even though she knew or should have known that their well-being was at risk. The children in such domestic violence situations are not safe. The mother may be seen as unable to protect herself or the child. Then, for the child, the mom is not safe, and s/he learns powerlessness and impotence that may carry over into other situations outside the family. • In these situations, the male perpetrator needs the support of Godly men. He may have never known a godly father figure himself. Men’s groups and fellowship opportunities can help them stabilize. • The women in these situations also need relationships with Godly men whose only goal is to be Christ to them. They need role models of good relationships between intimate partners, which they can witness in the community, how two partners support each other and especially how they deal with conflict. • We can role model our humanity, including mistakes we have made and how we sought to resolve them. • Both need Christian formation and teaching. In Christ, we experience forgiveness for our own errors and learn to accept the mistakes and humanity of others, and not viewing them as “all bad” or “all good.” Jetty van den Berghe from the Good Shepherd Community in Belgium Copyright (c) 2011 Ecumenical Catholic Communion The cycle of abuse in domestic violence often includes the victim’s additional sensitivitiy (an extra “antenna”) is attuned to the emotional states of the perpetrator. S/he is attuned to when the risk of being beaten is higher. Often the perpetrator exhibits intolerance for the perceived mistakes of themselves or others. Demands are made that are unrealistic. The perpetrator may view other people and situations in black and white ways, at times viewing a situation as entirely good, or simplistically rejecting the partner and casting him or her in an “all bad” position. The goal is to maintain control. The perpetrator has fantasies of omnipotence and since that fantasy can never be realized and never succeed, there is continued repetition of trying to make others do exactly what you want. Alcohol, drugs, and sexuality become in some sense the narcotics that allow both parties to continue to deny their plight. Stress builds up, until something unfortunate and dangerous happens. The partner also does not own her choices, and she often will not protect her children, even though she knew or should have known that their well-being was at risk. The children in such domestic violence situations are not safe. The mother may be seen as unable to protect herself or the child. Then, for the child, the mom is not safe, and s/he learns powerlessness and impotence that may carry over into other situations outside the family.

• In these situations, the male perpetrator needs the support of Godly men. He may have never known a godly father figure himself. Men’s groups and fellowship opportunities can help them stabilize.

• The women in these situations also need relationships with Godly men whose only goal is to be Christ to them. They need role models of good relationships between intimate partners, which they can witness in the community, how two partners support each other and especially how they deal with conflict.

• We can role model our humanity, including mistakes we have made and how we sought to resolve them.

• Both need Christian formation and teaching. In Christ, we experience forgiveness for our own errors and learn to accept the mistakes and humanity of others, and not viewing them as “all bad” or “all good.”

Jetty van den Berghe from the Good Shepherd Community in Belgium
Copyright (c) 2011 Ecumenical Catholic Communion

]]> Comment on Emergent or Urgent Situations for the Pastoral Counselor: Mental Health Emergencies and ABC’s of What to Do First: Part 6: Rape and Sexual Assault by M-J+ http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=443&cpage=1#comment-2562 M-J+ Thu, 09 Jun 2011 18:39:45 +0000 http://stjuniashouse.com/sjblog/?p=443#comment-2562 For both children and adults who have grown up in situations where appropriate boundaries have not been learned, the risk of sexual abuse is raised. We in the church have an important role in the teaching of respect and boundaries. Children who lacked bonding and connection with parents are more vulnerable to seeking out other adults who may take advantage of them. They may not appreciate or understand when their own boundaries are being dissolved or violated, and gradually the situation places them in a situation of helplessness. They lack the ability to say that they are not being served. They are unable to ignore this person and avoid further contact, if necessary, or to recognize when they are being abused and to report it to the police. They did not learn the verbal or physical skills to defend themselves against abuse. • In our youth groups, we can teach boundaries and respect as well as bonding and availability. We can teach children that they do not need to allow their boundaries to be violated in order to get their needs met. • We can be watchful for persons who may violate our children or other vulnerable people in our communities. New people coming into our communities can be welcomed but also taught to understand how Christians honor one another. Jetty van den Berghe from the Good Shepherd Community in Belgium Copyright (c) 2011 Ecumenical Catholic Communion For both children and adults who have grown up in situations where appropriate boundaries have not been learned, the risk of sexual abuse is raised. We in the church have an important role in the teaching of respect and boundaries. Children who lacked bonding and connection with parents are more vulnerable to seeking out other adults who may take advantage of them. They may not appreciate or understand when their own boundaries are being dissolved or violated, and gradually the situation places them in a situation of helplessness. They lack the ability to say that they are not being served. They are unable to ignore this person and avoid further contact, if necessary, or to recognize when they are being abused and to report it to the police. They did not learn the verbal or physical skills to defend themselves against abuse.

• In our youth groups, we can teach boundaries and respect as well as bonding and availability. We can teach children that they do not need to allow their boundaries to be violated in order to get their needs met.

• We can be watchful for persons who may violate our children or other vulnerable people in our communities. New people coming into our communities can be welcomed but also taught to understand how Christians honor one another.

Jetty van den Berghe from the Good Shepherd Community in Belgium
Copyright (c) 2011 Ecumenical Catholic Communion

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